"The African Aphrodisiac Adventure"
A GH Parody - - Spring 1996

Chapter Fourteen

Once rescued from the catacombs by Frisco Jones, Lucy Coe is down on her knees kissing the ground, breathing deeply of the fresh air, and thanking her rescuer for saving her. "I'll name a product after you," she promises him. "Heck, years ago, I'd have, you know, shown my gratitude in another way, but oh, well, I'm a changed woman, and Doc, that is Kevin, oh dear, I've got to tell Kevin that Ryan is still alive, and good heavens!! I've got to tell Mac and Luke that Damian isn't dead again, that is, he didn't die again, I mean he didn't die in the first place, and I've got to tell them again. You have to come with me because I can't prove any of this without Damian and Ryan, and I don't think that they'll want to come along. What do you mean, you can't come? Do you realize how important this is? Hey, wait a minute. What are you really doing here? Are you on a secret mission? YES!!! I always wanted to be in espionage-I guess you could say that I've done a little on my own, stealing corporate secrets, and like that, but hey, I'm at your disposal. What are we doing, boss?"

Lucy glows with anticipation, while Frisco groans audibly at the thought of a covert Coe. Lucy under the covers was bad enough, but an undercover Lucy?? Still, better to have her working for you than working her particular form of madness against you.

"Okay," Frisco says, reluctantly taking another tube of Superspy African Aphrodisiac Antidote Lipgloss, SPF 15, from his pocket. He briefed her on the mission, and then said, "The future of Port Charles, hell, Lucy, maybe even the world, rests in your hands. Kiss any man who was affected by the African Aphrodisiac after applying this, and he'll return to normal. It won't affect anybody else." He gave her a grim look, and said, "I'll have to go after Felicia myself."

"But what about Ryan and Damian??"

"Later." Hmmmmmm

"How could one guy be such a klutz?" asked Ryan as he studied the fallen figure of the other formerly dead guy occupying the catacombs. "You had her right where you wanted her, and you let her get away."

"You've got no room to talk," Damian ground out as he glared at Ryan. "From what I've heard, you lost Felicia on more than one occasion, and made a complete fool of yourself in the bargain."

"Like you haven't?" Ryan returned. He looked wryly at the formerly dapper Damian and asked, "How did we ever get into a mess like this? We were both well off, I was a doctor, and you were at least rich, and now, here we are, living with rats and our only thoughts center around getting back at the people with whom we are obsessed."

"You're right," Damian nodded. "I could have taken my millions and left town and lived like royalty somewhere else, but no, I have to get greedy and now look at me!" He glanced down at the rags and then back at Ryan. "Not that you look much better."

"You know, I know where I can get some better clothes than this. I have this brother, if you like English tailoring, and we're about the same size. Come on, we've got to get to his closet before Lucy tells him that we're still alive."

In agreement, Damian follows Ryan out of the catacombs and both skulk to the lighthouse where they find, to their surprise, women's clothes.

"What is this?" Ryan asks, taking out what we recognize as Norma St. John's wardrobe along with a long dark-haired wig. His eyes light up, and we fear the worst. Is the Norma St. John from he** about to hit Port Charles? Hmmmmmmmm And, lest we forget, will her sidekick Eve be at her side?? Is Port Charles ready for two formerly dead guys in drag???? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

On the way to contact his superior, Frisco pauses at the sight of a crying brunette whom he recognizes as Brenda Barrett, former model for Deception. Fully aware of her problems, he asks, "Can I help you?"

"It's Felicia," Brenda wails, anger causing her to screech like a fishwife. "That two-timing blonde has stolen my man."

"Then come with me, Miss Barrett. Jax isn't himself, and you may be his only hope." He explained, and Brenda nods, taking another tube of the antidote.

"Heck, Frisco. This is the only time I'll ever kiss a man and actually turn him off!"

"It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it," Frisco tells her. "Now come on. We have work to do."

Stay tuned!!! Will Lucy manage to save the men of PC from themselves and the effects of the African Aphrodisiac? Can Frisco and Brenda manage to save Felicia and Jax from each other?? Will PC be able to survive the arrival of two formerly dead guys in drag?? And, what will it take to save Garcia from Rivera when he finds out about Damian? How will Justus manage to keep Luke from killing him when Luke finds out that Justus did the deed, albeit not well??? JEEZ!!! How can I keep juggling these storylines?? Do I really want to do this??? Hmmmmmmmm