"The African Aphrodisiac Adventure"
A GH Parody - - Spring 1996

Chapter Twenty-Three

"I'm telling you," Sonny grouses. "You want something done right, you gotta do it yourself." He heads down the stairs dressed in his grubby street snitch outfit, longing for the good old days when he could give orders and somebody would take them. Life could be better, he decides. Lily gone, Brenda gone, getting shot at in his own penthouse, nobody listening to him anymore. It was almost enough to make a guy go legit!!

Down on the streets, Sonny skulks around, vaguely proud that he's still got it, listening in on various conversations, meeting with other snitches and comparing notes, until he hears the magic words. African Aphrodisiac. For real. Serious bucks paid for it. Mega loot. Mucho dinero. Who's paying? he wonders, and is horrified at the names he hears. Rivera. Lily??? Tracy somebody or other. The Q's??? figures. They just have better attorneys than he had. Kat Bell?? Damian's ex-honey. Just like a woman, he thinks sourly. Get rid of the old man and make a move on his territory. Kat and Lily, two of a kind. And, rumors of a sinister force down in the catacombs.

Feeling totally betrayed, Sonny suddenly has an inspiration, comes to a turning point in his life. What was he, a good sort of guy, doing lurking around like this? He wasn't stupid, in spite of evidence to the contrary. His beloved city was overrun with thugs, and it was time to clean up the place. He'd have to do it himself, he figures, and at that moment, the inspiration seizes him. He, Sonny Corinthos, would clean up Port Charles, single handedly. A one man vigilante force.

The scene darkens, and then, a spotlight on Sonny allows us to know that this is a shining moment in his life. Sonny straightens up, a new man, reborn on the crime infested streets of Port Charles, his mob days behind him, vowing to fight evil in its every guise!!!! Hmmmmmmmmmm

"More money than I can spend in my life??" questions Lucy, as she gingerly removes Siggy from the man's grasp. She strokes his ruffled feathers, and whispers, "Play along, Sig, or we're both in the soup."

"Tell me just who you are and why I should think you can do this for me."

"My name is Cesar Faison," and we're treated to a moment of silence. Then, his creepy music continues. "I have created a fragrance you might like," he says, taking a bottle from his pocket and aiming it at her. He sprays it, enveloping Lucy and Siggy in it. Lucy sniffs, and we are worried, because we know what it is.

"That smells good," Lucy comments, and Siggy's eyes glaze over as he stares at Faison.

"Quack!!!" he says, wiggling free and waddling over to stand next to Faison. He stares up, lovestruck, and we are truly shocked. Lucy is, too, as she witnesses betrayal by her buddy.

"Siggy, what are you doing?"

But, Faison is concerned. Why isn't Lucy reacting? His eyes narrow, and he approaches. "Miss Coe, don't you find me irresistible?"

Looking at Siggy, Lucy says, "The duck!!! What beautiful feathers!! What a lovely bill!!! And, what utterly fascinating webbed feet!!!"

She sinks down to pull a protesting Siggy into her arms. "Oh, Siggy," she whispers passionately, "I love you!!!" Hmmmmmmmmmm

Meanwhile, back on Spoon Island, our agents are interviewing yet another to join the small resistance group determined to bring down Faison and put an end to his dastardliness once and for all. (Dream on, gang. This is a soap.)

As the man turns to the camera, our eyes open wide, and our jaws drop yet again. We know this guy is dead!! How did they bring him back after being splattered all over the walkway in from of GH?? And, where is the stupid necklace and bracelet?? This guy is wearing a suit and tie, and looks respectable. We are indeed stunned, and as the show draws to a close for the day, our minds spin back all the means of resurrecting a dead guy. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Stay tuned!!! Will Sonny manage to return law and order to the streets of Port Charles??? Maybe in a cape and tights??? How about a really neat car and a utility belt?? Are Lucy and Siggy really under the influence of the aphrodisiac, or is ducky love just an act??? And, dare we guess who the latest formerly dead guy to arrive in Port Charles might be??? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm