"The African Aphrodisiac Adventure"
A GH Parody - - Spring 1996

Chapter Thirty-Five

NOTICE TO READERS: Since the dawn of time, our heroes have been immortalized in song, accounts of the deeds sung while we listen, rapt, entranced by the voice of bard or balladeer. Today's guest star is Brandy of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, making her singing debut.

"Ned, you and the Idle Rich are doing backup on this number," Lois says, orders flying as her startled husband stands, stunned. "Don't argue with me, Nedly. We've got a sure fire hit on our hands. You heard of the Masked Man??? You know, the guy who's fighting crime here in Port Charles? The guy is hot!! I mean HOT!!! And, we've got his theme song!! We needed a rhythm and blues artist, and we've got one!! Wait until you hear Brandy!!"

Our eyes widen, our ears perk up as Brandy from the chatline enters, her brown hair flowing like silk over her shoulders. Green eyes sparkling, she steps up, dons the earphones and takes the microphone. She nods. A driving beat begins, and the guitars twang. We find ourselves moving with the music (which we recognize as "Smoking Gun" as performed by The Robert Cray Band.)

Suddenly, Brandy sings, a sexy alto voice that sends chills over us:

Ya know the temperature's arisin'
And folks are dyin' all around.
The crime rate's up, the cops are out,
But our world's still atumblin' down.
Then, suddenly, The Man appears
The bad guys see him, yeah, they start to run.
And ya know we're gonna find him there-
The Man and his Smoking Gun.

Maybe he wants to end it-
Fighting crime is so dangerous...
But the need is real, and we all feel
That The Man is the one we trust.
With The Kid along for backup,
In just minutes, yeah, the day is won.
And ya know, he's hot, so very HOT!!
The Man and his Smoking Gun.

We're standing here bewildered
We're astonished as he rides away.
We're safer than we were before-
In the space of a single day.
His name's unknown, he wears a mask,
He's packing heat, but the fight's begun-
And we know that we can count on him-
The Man and his Smoking Gun!

"Is she hot, or what?" shouts Lois, as she runs into the studio. "We're talking gold here Brandy-no, make that platinum. You're gonna be a star," Lois gushes. "A star!!" Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Meanwhile, back at the Penthouse, Sonny is pumping iron in his specially outfitted training room. "Add another twenty pounds, kid," he orders.

"Right, boss," Jason says, hurrying to do Sonny's bidding. "Do you really think that we need to do this?"

"Damn right, we do," Sonny tells him. "You want your a** kicked by a girl?"

Both were thinking of Carly and how she'd easily taken on the drunks at Jake's. Not that he expected to have a run-in with her, but it wouldn't do their images as crime fighters any good if they were bested by mere females. Not to mention what it would do to their egos, he admitted to himself.

"Yeah, we've also got a martial arts guy later today. This crime fighting stuff is hard work, you know."

"I noticed," Jason says, as he worked on his leg muscles. "But we're making headway. Today we busted four jaywalkers, five muggers, and a guy trying to rip off a car."

"It was my car," Sonny pointed out. "And we wouldn't have had to chase him if you hadn't left the keys in it." Hmmmm

Stay tuned!! Is L&B records about to make sales history?? Will Brandy go on tour with the Idle Rich?? How long till Sonny has the body he wants?? (You know what I mean...) Is Ned feeling left out?? Will the Masked Man find fame and fortune in his new job?? Hmmmmmmmmmm