"The African Aphrodisiac Adventure"
A GH Parody - - Spring 1996

Chapter Thirty-Six

NOTICE TO READERS: As the crime rate soars, the Masked Man and his associate are busier than ever, and people, women in particular, are flocking in droves to the streets, in hopes of getting a glimpse of their heroes. Our chatters are equally intrigued, one in particular. Today's guest star is CB of Ft. Worth, Texas.

"Felicia. Come on in. I knew that you'd be right for this job," Lucy began, dragging Felicia into her office. "Oh, I know that you are busy running The Outback, and the PI business, but hey, I always say, if you want something done, you have to do it yourself."

"What??" Felicia asks, following the conversation with some difficulty.

"Look, we both know that while you were with Tom, you were, uh, how can I put this delicately...oh, well, while you and Tom were-you know..."

"Yes, I know-I was there, and I'd rather forget."

"Well, now that you know that you weren't suffering from extremely bad taste, just under the influence of that aphrodisiac, you are probably wanting revenge. I know, I am! Imagine having your duck threatened, and a nasty evil man wanting to use your business to do terrible things to the people you love!"

As Lucy draws her next breath, Felicia nods her head. "I see-I think."

"Of course you do. And, you, of all the women in Port Charles will be the most likely to be believed. I mean, if I go around acting like a model for my own fragrance, people would wonder. But, you, a beautiful blonde with a, shall we say, somewhat questionable reputation who was seen with Jax in Las Vegas, will be a natural for this job. You are going to be the model for Persuasion, and together, we'll get rid of that nasty man Faison."

As Felicia pauses to consider her answer, Lucy adds, "And if you sign with me, you get one million dollars, up front."

"And a piece of the action," Felicia insists and Lucy agrees.

"A piece of the action." Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

"One line," Jason grumbles, as Sonny plays his theme song yet another time. "I get one lousy line."

"Hey, kid," Sonny soothes him. "There's more than one way to look at this-poetic interpretation might allow you to be the Smoking Gun."

"Yeah?" Jason asks, listening closer as the song plays yet again. "The Man and His Smoking Gun. Yeah, I guess that might work. I am your right hand man, and I do carry a gun. Okay, I can buy into that."

Sonny watched as his young friend sat down to ponder the possibilities. Jason was so easy to please, and Sonny was glad he could make him happy. It wouldn't do to point out the double entendres in the lyrics, the sexual overtones. Besides, Sonny grins, he was enjoying it immensely himself. Hey, nobody had ever written anything for him when he was a bad guy, but this hero business had definite advantages. Probably helped with the women, too. Why, just this afternoon, he'd ridden by Lily who looked at him as if he was the best thing since sliced bread, and Brenda, well, he smiled, she'd been positively salivating. Eat your heart out, Jax, Sonny thinks. Hmmmmmmmmmmm

A little later, Jason swaggers out onto the streets of Port Charles, masked and his ego intact. Besieged by young women, he signs autographs, "Best wishes, The Smoking Gun."

One shy young woman asks him to sign the CD, and we see that it's CB, from the chatline. Her hazel eyes sparkling, she compliments him on his motorcycle. "Uh, thanks," he says, enjoying his newfound fame. "Want to go for a ride?" he asks, and she breaks into a delighted smile. "Here, you can wear this helmet," he says, helping tuck her brown hair into it. "Believe me, you don't want to get your brains scrambled."

With that, the two ride off, while many more young women stand by openly envious of CB. Later, her cheeks flushed by the wind, CB walks past her friends. Should she tell them that he kissed her? No, she decides. Jason watches her walk away...Eat your heart out, Sonny, he thinks. Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Stay tuned!! Will Felicia's new found fame and fortune change her?? Does Frisco ever have a chance to get her back?? Will Sonny buy several copies of the CD for posterity?? Can we blame him?? Will he capitalize on the masked man's sex appeal?? Will he become jealous of himself?? How about Jason?? Will he ever get any more crime fighting done?? Does he even care?? Hmmmmmmmm