"The African Aphrodisiac Adventure"
A GH Parody - - Spring 1996

Chapter Forty-Four

"You want to tell me who the @#$%^&* you are and what the $%^&*&$ I'm doing here?" Ryan manages, when the gag is finally taken from his mouth. Still slightly groggy from the drug he'd been given, he stares at the man who is standing before him smoking a foul smelling cigar, and then says, "I get it. I died. Right??" He looks around himself, noting the lush furnishings, and adds, "Looks like you did all right, though. You the head guy here? Wait a minute. It's cool. Maybe I'm not dead after all." Ryan looks up at the man again, and asks, "If I'm not dead, then who the #$%^&* are you?"

"I am your worst nightmare," Faison answers, dragging out one of the time honored clichés of bad guys.

"I wouldn't bet on that," Ryan tells him. "So, what do you want with me?"

"I plan to use you to get to your lover, Miss Lucy Coe." Faison smiles, evil emanating from him. "I plan to send a portion of you to her to convince her that I have you and that she must comply with my wishes."

Being slightly unbalanced himself, Ryan recognizes a kindred spirit when he sees one, and wishes he hadn't. "Uh, that wouldn't be a good idea. She's squeamish, and if I'm not returned to her intact, she won't want me back at all."

"But she loves you," Faison points out.

"Yeah, but she loves me all in one piece," Ryan counters.

"But, I must convince her that I have you."

"Uh, how about I talk with her on the phone?"

"No," Faison rejects that idea out of hand.

"Maybe I could send her this tie?" Ryan suggests, referring to the garish necktie that he wore. "She gave it to me for my birthday."

"And you think she loves you?"

"Well, then what do you want to do?" Ryan questions. "If you send her any vital portions of my anatomy, she isn't going to want me back. How about a picture of me, all trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey, with a knife at my throat? Or, a gun to my head?"

Faison ponders that for a moment, then nods. "And if that doesn't work, then I get to send her a body part." He smiles at the thought, and Ryan, a diabolically clever mass murderer himself, shudders. Hmmmmmmmmm

(With the song, "Strut" by Sheena Easton as audio to this scene.)

"She's a natural," Lucy gushes to the photographer. "I should have signed her for Deception, no matter what I'd had to have promised! On the other hand, I'm glad to have her here!!! Look at that face!! Those eyes are positively promising while the twinkle in them dares a man to try!! We're going to make so much money!!! Come on Felicia!"

With the fans blowing her already tousled hair back from her face, Felicia now looks like a woman persuaded that her powers of persuasion are limitless. She smiles seductively and licks her lower lip, causing the photographer to growl low in his throat, while sweat beads his brow.

"Okay," Lucy calls out. "Let's do the leather and lace scene here." The photographer looks up, a man much tried by the situation. "Listen," she tells him. "Have you ever seen a more perfect model for the product?"

While Lucy is gloating over the upcoming success, a messenger arrives with a manila envelope in hand. Lucy takes it, and tosses it to one side, far too engrossed in the shoot to bother to open it. Hmmmmmmmm

"We got a sample of the stuff this morning," Ned tells Edward as the two huddle over their plans to corner the market of the aphrodisiac. "We take it to our labs, refine it, and then market it as a cure for uh, sexual inadequacy," Ned says.

"And, I've got the perfect name for the product," Edward chuckles, "Sonrisa."

"But that's Spanish for smile," Ned says, and then, as his sense of humor combines with his business acumen and understanding of the male mind, he grins. "Perfect, Grandfather."

The two are still laughing together, when Tracy enters the room, and as quickly, the laughter stops.

"Uh, hello, Mother," Ned greets. "I see that impending grandmotherhood is treating you well."

Tracy casts him one of her famous withering smiles, and he knows why she's never managed to stay married for very long. "Ned," she tells him, sweetly, "Take a hike. Your grandfather and I have something to discuss, and you don't need to hear it." Hmmmmmm

Stay tuned!! Has Ryan finally come to the end of the road?? How long until Faison finds out the truth? And, if he does, will he ask Ryan to join his outfit, or will he just kill him and be done with it?? How does Ryan feel, being on the receiving end of the murderers knife this time?? Will Lucy be deceived?? Will Kevin care?? And, what of the latest ELQ product? Will it be a success, or will Jax beat him to the punch?? Beyond that, what is it that Tracy wants Edward to discuss and Ned not to hear??? Hmmmmm