"The African Aphrodisiac Adventure"
A GH Parody - - Spring 1996

Chapter Forty-Seven




"Whew!! What a day!" Lucy mutters as she enters her apartment and closes the door behind her. "Nothing like a satisfying day at the office making scads of money to wear a girl down." She tosses a pile of papers onto the coffee table, and sinks down onto the couch. "I really need to call Kevin, but..."

Glancing down, she notices a man's shoe near the edge of the couch, and as her eyes wander towards the doorway, she sees another, and a sock, as well. "I may not have to call Kevin," she smiles, following the trail of clothing into the bedroom.

Peeling off her own clothing, she calls, "I'm home, darling." Waving a silk stocking over her head, she dances over to the bed, where she notes that the covers are pulled up over her lover's ears. "Ohhh, sleepyhead," she whispers, lifting the quilt.

With a giggle, she slides into the bed, and runs her toes over his leg. "You're so cold," she says, snuggling over to his bare back. "In fact, you're like ice. Kevin, are you okay? Kevin! Kevin, what's....Kev?? Good Grief!!! You're not Kevin, you're ohmigosh!!!!! YIKES!!!! Oh dear, there's a dead man in my bed!!! Damian Smith, what are you doing here??? In my bed??? Dead??? Oh dear, what am I going to do??? Get up, Damian!!! Get out of here. Get out of my life!!!!! Why Me??? Do I not have enough problems right now, what with that nasty man and his nasty perfumes making my life miserable, but no, you, you inconsiderate wretch, you have to sneak into my apartment, and die in my bed!!! YUCK!!! SO, what do I do now?? Just pick up the phone and call ...who do I call?? What am I supposed to say? Please come over and get this dead guy??? Heck, nobody believed me when I said that he wasn't dead, and now, the miserable excuse for a man has to come here and die!!! Do I need this??? NO!!! I know, I'll just call Kevin. He'll know what to do. Just tell him that there's a dead, naked man in my bed, would he be so kind as to help me get rid of him?? Oh, this is going to look really good, Miss Lucy Coe, owner of Jax Cosmetics, discovers a naked man, dead in her bed. Not just any naked, dead guy, but Damian Smith, already believed dead, son of a mobster. The scandal sheets are going to love this."

Just then, she hears a groan, and she jumps straight up into the air. "Ohhhhhhh" moans the "corpse".

With terror in her eyes, Lucy tiptoes over, and looks a little closer. "Damian?" she whispers. "Damian?"

"Oh, Lucy," he moans, his eyes barely able to focus. "You gotta help me. Kat did this to me." Lucy stands up, and one eyebrow raises. "Kat??" Hmmmmmmm


"Oh, I just can't wait to find out what happens when Lucy finds Damian," Kat chuckles as she downs another martini, then crunching the olives. She looks around the Outback, watching the patrons come and go, wondering when she was going to hear the shriek from upstairs indicating that Lucy had found Damian.

"Brian, give me another martini, three olives," she orders, while Mac watches in growing disgust.

How he'd ever found this woman fascinating, he couldn't imagine. Must have been temporary insanity. Still he was not the sort of guy to just dump a woman after they'd shared so much. No, he'd be a gentleman about it, even if it killed him. He watches as Kat downs another drink, her eyes occasionally straying to the ceiling as if she expected to see something crawling around on it.

"Katherine," he starts, picking up the fourth empty glass of the evening. "I think you've had enough."

Kat gives him a slow smile, and says, "You know, Mac, you may be right. Have you seen Lucy this evening?"

"Yes," he tells her. "She stopped by to tell me to send Kevin up if he comes in tonight." At Kat's wide grin, Mac senses that there is more going on than he knows, or indeed, than he wants to know. "Look, I'm sick of the fighting going on between you two. It's gotten more than old, and frankly, either you end it, or you can take your business elsewhere."

Stunned at his own words, he stops, but Kat looks equally shocked. "Is this an ultimatum?"

"Yeah," Mac tells her, knowing that he'd given her an impossible task. "I guess it is. In fact, I think that I'll call you a taxi and you can just toddle off a little early, anyhow."

"I'm not going anywhere just yet, Mac Scorpio," Kat snarls, the alcohol making her less pleasant than usual. "My money is as good as anyone else's and I intend to stay here as long as I want."

A look of disgust on his face, Mac turns to the bartender. "Brian, no more drinks for Miss Bell." Hmmmmmmmm


Meanwhile, Lucy is pacing around her apartment, her telephone in hand, waiting for Kevin to answer, wondering what to do when she spies the manila envelope that she'd tossed aside earlier. Damian is still sleeping in her bed, muttering nasty things about Kat with which Lucy agreed, and Kevin isn't answering. No way is she going to call the police, not until she had a better idea of what to do.

With the phone still ringing in Kevin's apartment, Lucy picks up the envelope and tears it open, stunned into complete silence as she sees a picture of Kevin, tied hand and foot, with a gun to his head. The distinctive odor of cigar smoke identified the sender, and instantly Lucy is horrified. That nasty man, that Faison fellow, had Kevin, and was threatening his life.

Cold chills running down her spine, Lucy sits down, abruptly, and all that she's bottled up finally overflows into tears. "Oh, Doc, he's got you. What am I gonna do?" Instantly, she hangs up the call to Kevin, and quickly punching in a series of numbers, says, "Luke?? Lucy. I've got a couple of major problems on my hands just now. Can you help?"

On the other end, a gleam of anticipation lighting up his eyes, Luke smiles. "Now, Miss Lucy, don't worry about a thing. I'll be right over..." Hmmmmmmmmmmmm


Stay tuned: Will Damian live to make Kat's miserable life even more so?? Where is Kevin during all of this?? Will Ryan manage to keep Faison from killing him?? Is Mac finally breaking off with Kat? Will Luke call his "friends in low places" for assistance?? Hmmmmmmmmmmm