"The African Aphrodisiac Adventure"
A GH Parody - - Spring 1996

Chapter Five

A downcast Luke met Laura in the lockup. Barely coherent, Luke is babbling about apple pie, motherhood and Lila Quartermaine. Laura is baffled, unable to determine what's bothering Luke. Finally, his eyes meet hers, and he shakes his head.

"Lila did it, Sweetcakes," he whispers. "I can't turn her in. Besides, I don't have the proof."

Laura, a little less kindly by now, raises one eyebrow and screams,

"Lila?" She surges to her feet and demands, "She did it and I'm taking the fall?" Settling down, she grimaces and says, "It wouldn't matter, nobody would believe us anyhow. Hell, even Garcia wouldn't believe it if he saw it."

Suddenly, thunderstruck again, Luke turns and stares at her.

"That's it," he shouts. "Edward has overplayed his hand." A look of jaunty confidence breaking his face, he promises, "Don't worry, babe." A determined gleam in his eyes, he leaves. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Simone, by now equally upset, is wringing her hands. Should she trust Justus with her life? Especially when she'd hurt him so many times before and that woman, Dara, is busy getting her clutches into him?? No fool, in spite of her past idiotic behavior, Simone starts plotting her own defense. Her eyes narrowing, she begins to ask questions nobody has yet asked, like,

"What was Tom doing atop GH stark naked, other than jumping off? Since when does one bungee jump stark naked without a bungee cord?" And, since Simone knew that she wasn't with him at the time, was it possible someone else was?? And, why was Garcia so anxious to arrest her? These questions and more boiled in Simone's mind. Wasn't Felicia dating Tom recently? Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Lucy, meanwhile, has been casting about for a new product for Jax Cosmetics. She wants something to drive men wild, and she reflects, something that would also drive up the bottom line. At that moment, she hears about the death of Tom Hardy, whose naked body, etc., etc.

Her eyes widened in interest, Lucy pauses, remembering her one night fling with him. Now, there was a man who was passionate. Not for a moment did Lucy believe Simone did him in. No, Lucy knew that that relationship had ended eons ago, at least by her standards. So, if Simone didn't do it, maybe Tom wasn't even murdered! Maybe, she reasons, by what convoluted manner nobody else could comprehend, maybe he jumped. So, what would drive a man to the point that he'd jump?

"JUMP!" Lucy surges to her feet, a look of pure rapture on her face. "That's it!!! My new fragrance!!! JUMP!"

Then, she pauses again. So, how does she get it? Her mind twisting, she thinks. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Oh, yeah, one Catacomb Creeper has just exited the south door to the catacombs, and is heading in the direction that we all recognize as the diner, where several of PC's leading citizens are chowing down on Ruby's famous chili, the aroma of which is permeating the entire dock area.

Salivating, the creeper hunches down into a pile of rags as Robin and Jason stroll by, oblivious to everyone else. Eyes furtively following Luke as he heads into the diner to confront Edward, our Creeper oozes towards the back of Kelly's, ready to feast on the scraps put out for the other rats.

Stayed tuned!!! Is Luke about to stun the world and denounce Lila at that most public place, Kelly's?? Will Simone point an accusing finger at Felicia?? What is Felicia doing with the African aphrodisiac?? Will Lucy find the fragrance and make yet another fortune?? What if Lucy gets her hands on the African aphrodisiac?? Can we even bear to think about that?? Does the Catacomb Creeper survive the chili?? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.