"The African Aphrodisiac Adventure"
A GH Parody - - Spring 1996

Chapter Six

Careening around the corner heading to Kelly's, Lucy Coe is at her most jubilant best. A new fragrance in mind, her bottom line in mind, she stops in her tracks...

"Bottom Line!! YES!!"

Another fragrance is destined to become famous. Marketing strategies flashing through her brain at warp speed, Lucy didn't notice the raggedy creature sidling towards her until suddenly, she trips over it and, in front of the disbelieving eyes of the viewers, falls into an oversized trashcan, the lid of which is quickly jammed shut.

Muffled cries are barely heard as the can is wheeled away, taking our outraged heroine with it. A gleeful laugh is heard coming from the disgusting creature wheeling it along, and we realize to our dismay that Lucy has been kidnapped by the Catacomb Creeper!!

Is this the last of Lucy, whose lust for life has had us all laughing??? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Lily, her heart filled with sorrow at her husband's perfidy, scarcely notices as the trashcan is wheeled past her. Her pain, however, is slowly becoming righteous indignation, and she ponders all she has done for that ungrateful wretch. The more she thinks about it, the more she wonders what she ever saw in him.

"Heck," she thinks, "any man that would prefer Brenda to me is an idiot anyhow, and not worth my time. Come to think of it, Brenda is welcome to him! Yes!! They deserve each other. Nevermind that Papa would be angry-this is all his fault anyhow. I could have been happily married to Miguel and had two or three more kids by now, but no, here I am, due to Papa's meddling, miserable and stuck with that strutting mobboss wannabee. What have I been thinking?? I must have been crazy!! I'm outta here!!!"

She takes out her cellular phone and calls Harry.

"Book us on a flight to Las Vegas, but don't tell Sonny."

She pauses and adds,

"Just bring your toothbrush, darling."

Lily smiles. She's always liked Harry. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Meanwhile, back at the brownstone, Felicia is experimenting with the African Aphrodisiac. Did Tom drink it, or rub it on his or her body, or did he inhale it? Or, did he give it to Felicia, and in what fashion? Her eyebrows raised, she lifts it to her nostrils, and daintily sniffs. Nothing. Then, she takes a deep breath. Still nothing. It smells strangely, so she takes a fingertip and touches it to the liquid, then to her tongue. Not bad-wintergreen flavor. Like how Tom tasted. In several places, come to think of it.

A smile breaking her face, Felicia dabbed a little on her lips, just over her lipstick, then, a flush of anticipation coloring her face, she heads out the door, anxious to try it out. On any available male.

Fortunately, the first man she encounters is Mac who is coming to pay a visit. One liplock later, Mac is a changed man.

"Kat who?" He asks, dazed. "Felicia," he shouts as she dashed down the hallway, scientific experimentation in mind. "Wait!!!"

But, too late, she's gone. Mac's thinking marriage. Now. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

And, lest you think that I've forgotten Brenda who was laying listlessly around bemoaning her fate, think again. She's in the shower singing,

"I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair," getting ready for her date with Jax. He wanted to marry her, so YES!!! Brenda asks herself,

"Did I really want to spend the rest of my life with a lowlife, criminally inclined guy who's likely to get me shot, run down, or in some way messed up in a bad way?? No way!! I should thank Lily," she decides, "for taking him off my hands. If not for her, I wouldn't be getting married to a tall, gorgeous man who's rich beyond my wildest, well, maybe not wildest, expectations, and loves me!!! What was I ever thinking to want Sonny??"

Wearing only a smile, she returns to her room humming the wedding march. Hmmmmmmmmmm Hmmmmmmmmm Hmmmmmmmmm Hmmmmmmmm.

Stay tuned!! Should this program be continued, you will want to ask, What happened to Lucy?? Who or who all will be blamed for her disappearance?? What will Sonny do when he realizes that Lily has left him?? When he finds that Brenda is no longer waiting?? Who is the next unsuspecting male that Felicia will kiss?? What if she meets Jax before he meets up with Brenda?? What if Felicia tries this stuff out on Sonny?? Good grief!!! Is any man safe from Felicia?? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm