"The African Aphrodisiac Adventure"
A GH Parody - - Spring 1996

Chapter Sixty-One

"So when are we going to meet up with the famed Masked Man?" asks Kevin as he and Lucy lurk amiably along in the catacombs.

"Actually, we didn't exactly designate a meeting time or place," Lucy admits, "but I have his cellular phone number, and I have my phone, so I'll just give him a ring." She enters the appropriate numbers. "Rats! That idiot has his phone turned off."

"This is great Lucy," Kevin mutters, "really great. We're down here, heaven knows where, we don't know where the guy is, and we can't reach him. Lucy, have you ever heard of the 7 Ps??

"No, Doc, I haven't, but I'm sure you're going to educate me, aren't you?"

"Proper Prior Planning Prevents Pi$$ Poor Performance." Kevin pauses. "Here we went, haring off in search of someone, unarmed, and incapable of getting armed because we can't find the guy with the guns."

"Doc, need I remind you that this was YOUR idea in the first place??? Did I have an undying urge to rescue a maniac from another maniac?? NO! I, on the other hand, have been making every effort to humor you..that is..."

"Humor me? Is that what you're doing?" Kevin is incensed, and starts stalking off down the catacombs in high dudgeon.

"Wait, Doc!" Lucy cries out. "You'd better not leave me alone down here, with all sorts of maniacs!"

"Believe me, Lucy, at this moment, you'd be safer with them!"

"Oh yeah?" she answers, equally irritated. "You have a lot of nerve, if you ask me. Who was humoring whom when I had those psychic visions about Damian in San Antonio?? You didn't believe me then, and I was right!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Kevin demands, his temper uncertain at best. "And, if you're so darned psychic, then why are we sloshing around down here, up to our ankles in water, when you could be using your "powers" to find Faison? Huh??? You want to tell me that?"

"Oooooo!" Lucy fumes. "If I had more support, instead of some skeptical shrink scoffing at my visions, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Yeah? Well, maybe if you had more confidence in your visions you'd have told me what to do with my skepticism instead of humoring me and letting me persuade you that this was a reasonable thing to do, which it clearly isn't!"

"So! Now, you're going to blame your idiotic behavior on me! Men!! Just like Adam in the Garden of Eden. Lord, it was that woman you gave me. She tempted me!! Ha!! Well, Dr. Know-it-all Kevin Collins, here we are, the supersmart shrink, and his know-nothing-at-all little woman."

"You said it, I didn't."

"Yeah, but you thought it!"

"How do you know?? Going psychic again?? That proves that you aren't, because if you were, you'd know that I'd never think such a thing."


"No, Lucy," Kevin says, a smile barely visible on his face. "You're an incredibly smart woman, brave, beautiful, and I love you for it, but you're as stubborn as anyone I've ever met. But, that's part of why I love you. Without you, I wouldn't be where I am today."

At that, both look around, and laugh, almost hysterically. "You know what I mean...."

"Yeah, Doc," Lucy sighs, as he takes her into his arms. "I know just what you mean....." Hmmmmm

"I wonder where she is?" asks Sonny, a.k.a. The Masked Man of his side kick, Jason, a.k.a. The Kid.

"You mean Lucy Coe?"

"Actually, I was thinking of that Masked Babe, whoever she is. There's something about her that....."

He sighs deeply, and then says, "But, you're right. We've got to find Lucy Coe. I'll call her.....Jeez!! That woman must have her phone turned off."

"So did you," Jason observes.

"Good point, kid."

At that point, Reds, who was a few steps away, asks, "Did you have an assigned meeting place?"

"No," Sonny admits, and then pauses. "Wait a minute. I'm getting something over my headset."

Both his companions stop, listening carefully in theirs. At the end of the message, Sonny says, "Things are about to get interesting, unless we do something fast. 30 of Garcia's guys mean that we have 30 mobsters of unknown talents down here, and they're all looking for the African Aphrodisiac, and they won't care who they kill to get it." He pauses, and then says, "I've got an idea. Let me run it by the Boss and arrange for backup if she buys it." He switches to send, and says, "Yo Boss. Masked Man here. I happen to know that Garcia's men are going to also be looking for Sonny Corinthos soon, and if they think that he's about to lay hands on the AA, they will come after him. We both know that I do a fairly good Sonny Corinthos imitation, and if it's okay by you, I can make like bait if you can prepare a trap."

"Good idea," Marty answers. "Okay, take out your maps, people. The Masked Man will proceed to sector c-4 where he will make like cheese. Ya'll make like walls and close in when the rats arrive. Oh, and by the way, you'll need to be masked as well." Hmmmmmmmmm

"That daughter of yours has done it this time," Edward yells at Lila as she wheels into the study to find Edward well into a pitcher of martinis.

"Done what Edward?" asks Lila as she clutches a piece of paper tightly in one hand. We notice immediately that her expression is worried.

"She's stolen ELQ out from under me, that's what she's done. She forced me to sell out at a hefty discount, and now she's in complete control!!"

With another quick martini downed, he asks, "Where did she get the money??? There's no way that she could have made that kind of money, even if she traded constantly and had the same kind of luck that Hillary had!!"

"Oh dear," Lila murmurs. "This is worse than I thought."

"What can possibly be worse than what has happened? On second thought, don't tell me. I don't want to know."

"Edward, darling, I must tell you. Oh, how I've dreaded this day, yet I always knew it would come. Oh, dear, what am I going to do???" She wrings her hands, and we are acutely aware that Lila is extremely agitated. "I've got to talk to her, to explain everything to her. If only I can make her understand...."

Suddenly, Edward's eyes take on a gleam of understanding, and he snarls, "If this is what I'm afraid you're suggesting, then it's worse than I thought. Is this about that no good, wife-stealing, money-grubbing, lie-printing, scandal-sheeting son of a butler???" Hmmmmmmm

Stay tuned!!! Will Lucy and Kevin manage to evade Garcia's men, or will they fall into Sonny's trap??? Will Sonny sacrifice his secret identity to save the mission down in the catacombs??? Will Edward have a heart attack before or after he gets stinking drunk, or has Lila's news had a suddenly sobering effect on him???? Hmmmmmmmmm