CHAPTER FORTY-ONE "My life is coming apart," Stefan confessed to Bobbie and Laura who stood staring at him when he came back into the room about an hour later. "I am not the man I thought I was, not the man that either of you thought I was, and certainly not the man I should have been. But, I can be the man I was born to be, and that I will do!" "I don't understand," Bobbie said again, as she saw the deep pain in Stefan's eyes. "What are you trying to say?" "I have tried all my life to be a Cassadine," Stefan told her, looking from her to Laura who was beginning to smile. She nodded, as if encouraging him to continue. "At first, I thought to escape it-Stavros was 'The Cassadine'. At Helena's urging, he took you, Laura, and forced you into a marriage. I neither knew, nor approved, when I found out, but I deceived myself into believing that it was because I coveted my brother's wife." He looked at Bobbie and explained. "She was everything that I instinctively knew was good, and there had been so little good in my life that I perceived her goodness as something rare and therefore desirable. Alexis was and is good, but in a different way. She needed me, and Helena always dismissed her as inconsequential. I could not do that and we....comforted each other as we grew up. Miranda is......mine. I've never said that before, never shared that with anybody, Alexis demanded nothing of me, and I offered her little other than financial assistance. We dared not tell Helena-and what should have been a joyous occasion was, instead, carefully hidden. We feared Helena, being two teenagers, distant cousins, fully knowledgeable of what she could do-it will be my eternal shame that we fled. Miranda was brought up nearby, and eventually, we brought her to the island where she was allowed to act as nanny to Nikolas after he was born. Eventually, she, too, ran from Helena's wrath." Bobbie listened carefully to these revelations, saying nothing, but unable to stop him, unwilling to do so. Confession, she believed, was good for the soul, and she knew that Stefan's soul needed absolution in the worst way. "What happened then?" she prodded. "Alexis and I remained close, but what we felt for each other had been done irreparable damage by our-no, make that my own lack of courage in dealing with my family. I sacrificed my daughter and the young woman I had loved to my family's, no, my mother's wishes. I feared her, and allowed myself to be persuaded that I owed my family more than what Alexis could offer. She offered nothing more than love and loyalty, but that was not enough. That was expected-demanded. Alexis could bring nothing to my family that, as my mother put it, a common dog could not bring. Mother had plans for me, though I had no idea about this until after Stavros died. You've heard the term, 'heir and a spare?' I was the spare. I was sentenced to live my life waiting to take over if anything happened to Stavros, and I had been brought up to think that it was my destiny. My duty-and for a Cassadine, duty-that is duty to the family, or my mother's perception of my family, was clearly put forth." "And you always did your duty," Laura assured him. "Until your innate goodness came out. Try as you might," she continued, "you couldn't completely kill that, not even for the Cassadines." "And I did try," he confessed. "I did try, but I could not allow Nikolas to be sacrificed on the same altar. I gave all I could, tried to protect him, but in the end, my best efforts were not enough. Helena kidnapped him and almost killed him." "But she didn't," Bobbie pointed out. "Lucky saved him. Your son saved Nikolas." Stefan turned anguished eyes on Bobbie and Laura. "I have been less than a man for my entire life, and now, if it costs me everything, I swear that I will do whatever it takes to stop Helena, to end her reign of terror even if it means my own life. You both should, by all that is right, hate me, hate all I purport to be." "I can't hate you," Laura told him. "You were what you were brought up to be, and far more. You are a man who fought against incredible odds, against great temptation and while you lost your way for a while, I never lost faith in you. I couldn't have left Nikolas without you, had I not had that faith." Bobbie nodded. "You saw the woman I could be, and not the girl I was." "I am in no position to cast stones," Stefan observed. "You were temptation of the highest order, and I could not resist." He smiled and took her hand. "We have years to make up, Barbara Jean, if you will still have me when you've heard my entire tale." "It can't be much worse than mine," she pointed out. "And you still love me." "What is not to love? You are a survivor with a great capacity for love, where I am..." and he looked at Laura, "the man who killed Lesley Webber." The phone in Sonny's pocket rang, but it was Father Sal who answered it. "Yeah?" he asked, mimicking Sonny's voice. He was only slightly uncomfortable in Sonny's clothes. "You want me to ice Julian Rose? Tonight?" He paused, looking over at Sonny who sat squirming angrily between Marty and Tim. Luke watched appreciatively, while Edward and Lila sat back and listened. "What's in it for me? Look, Helena, Julian got me out of the slammer, so I figure that I owe him a little something. Either I get a piece of the action, or there is no action. Got it? You know what I can bring to this cartel, so I'm telling you, cut me in or I might just take it all." He grinned at Marty who gave him a thumbs up sign. "Yeah, I can get somebody on top of that. No problemo......A jet for tonight? That can be arranged....What's the matter? Your own people not around?.....Don't get all worked up....Look, I've got your grandsons, and I've got this diary. Pretty interesting reading.....I'm thinking that I want a bigger piece than that....." He continued talking while Marty completed the trace on the cellular phone. It had taken a few minutes to triangulate the area from which it had come, but they were convinced that it was from the address they'd gotten from Sonny. "Okay, okay, that will do for now, but we will negotiate more on this later." With a click, he ended the conversation and turned to the others. "Helena wants Julian dead immediately, if not sooner." "Which means that she's planning to kill you shortly thereafter-probably in self-defense," Luke commented. "I wonder why she wants him dead?" "Helena was never good at taking orders," Tim told him. "If she couldn't rule the roost, she was one miserable woman. That was why she came to me, but I was too dumb to realize it back then. She was born to rule, and having to take orders from Mikkos following our affair must have seriously damaged what little hold she had on her sanity. Then, when he died, she must have just come completely unhinged. There was nothing and nobody to really keep her in line. Stefan tried, but he was no match for that woman. Boy's got a problem as far as she's concerned-he's got a conscience." Moments later, they pulled up a couple of miles from the estate which had apparently been taken by Julian Rose. "You don't have to do this, Sal," Tim told his friend. "This could be very dangerous." Sal grinned, and Luke was stricken by the similarity to the man who sat bound and gagged in the same van. "It's okay, Tim," Sal answered with a smile. "We priest types are always ready to take on evil in its various guises. And, it's not as if I haven't been involved in a few tight spots in the past." "Sal used to be a WSB agent," Tim explained as his friend left the car to get into the other one with Rudolpho and Pablo. "He had a very close call-he was dead for a few minutes, and when he came back, he'd changed. He became a priest, but he never quite gave up his old contacts." Tim laughed. "He figures that they probably need a friend with connections in High Places." "Considering that Helena probably has them in low places," Marty commented, "That's probably a good idea. Well, gentlemen, are you ready?" She spoke into a two-way-radio, making certain that her people were, as much as possible, in place. "I'd really like to have more information on this estate, but since this thing is going down tonight, we'll have to make do. Lila-are you ready if we need you?" "Of course," she answered. Lila spoke into her cellular phone. "Reece? Sal is going in with his men. You know what we must have, what's at stake. We must not fail."