"The African Aphrodisiac Adventure"
A GH Parody - - Spring 1996

Chapter One

There I was, alone on the chatline when it came to me that there are those of us who appreciate a twist on the conventional storyline. Or, is it a twisted storyline?? Oh well, here goes...

Odd things are happening beneath the streets of Port Charles, and the citizenry is blissfully unsuspecting. Lurking beneath the city, down in the bowels of the catacombs, a sinister character is nursing old angers, harboring old grudges, and plotting revenge.

(Cut to a darkened chamber lit only by a dirty looking candle almost guttering out.)

Someone, or something is hunched over, eyes feverishly glittering in the candlelight. Its hair is dirty and unkempt, nasty. The clothes are filthy and hang off the frame of the yet unidentified individual. We are profoundly grateful that we can't smell the person!!! We hear a low sound that we briefly mistake as the rusty hinges on a gate. Then we realize that it's a laugh, or is it? A harsh whisper breaks the silence and we hear,

"I'll make them pay...all of them,...pay and keep paying..."

Meanwhile, above in the well lit, well air-conditioned and well decorated homes of PC, the unsuspecting Jones family is having dinner yet another time with Carly. Tony is smiling, more than usual, Bobbie is beginning to regard the younger woman as a youthful protégé, and Lucas is experiencing a crush on her. Carly is enjoying a free meal with an eye out for the main chance. Tony, a well heeled doctor, is finding her attractive. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

While our sinister character plots revenge, Tom and Felicia find yet another location they haven't sullied with their disgusting sexual encounters and go at it again. Suddenly, in the throes of passion, Tom gets a cramp in his foot and screams out! Felicia looks up, astonished.

"Frisco never screamed", she tells him, and Tom begins leaping wildly about, stomping on the ground, in an effort to relieve his pain.

One false step and he tumbles off...the top of General Hospital, ending the agony of countless viewers!!!

Across the country, now linked by cyberspace, is heard a sigh of relief, followed by cheers of joy, including the actor Matt Ashford who is overjoyed to be rid of such a stupid, disgusting part.

The story continues...meanwhile, back in the catacombs, in yet another dark, damp, and dreary alcove rests yet another nasty looking and foul smelling character also contemplating sweet revenge. We gain a brief insight into the mind of this revolting bit of human debris...we see a blonde laughing, but we see her only from the back. We see blue eyes, but no more. Whose hair?? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Tune in later for the latest development... Will the dastardly, demonic denizens of the darkness-aka The Catacomb Killers, surface and carry out their plans to wreak havoc on PC?? Will they meet and compare notes on preparing rats over a single candle?? Are any of us safe from this insanity??